Walking After You
by dustytiger
Summary: DiNozzo and Keates have hit a rough patch, can they move forward? Stand alone. DiNozzo/Keates. If you don't like the pairing you're warned to steer clear.


Title: Walking After You  
Author: Trista Groulx aka dustytiger  
Rating: T (same as show to be safe)  
Disclaimer: As much as this pains me none of these characters are mine they all belong to the network, creators, writers, actors and actresses who bring them to life weekly. That still does not give you the right to sue or harass me for my creative license.  
Summary: DiNozzo and Keates have hit a rough patch, can they move forward?  
Notes: When Bishop mentioned that Tony and Zoe hit a rough patch in the ep "incognito" a plot bunny finally came to me! This is the first thing I've been able to write in a long while and I'm just happy to have it out in the universe. My creativity has been going a different direction but sometimes my faves give me a little something I can run with. I hope to write more fic but it's just a matter of getting it the point I can post it without leaving anyone hanging. This is stand alone. Please don't ask for more. I make no promises about what I might write next cause I just don't know. Title is taken from the Foo Fighters song of the same name (note still poor don't sue i just love the song). This remains a no negativity zone. I can take constructive criticism but I refuse to accept abuse period. You abuse me I erase it and/or report you c'est tous (that's all).

* * *

Anthony DiNozzo was sitting in a small bar sipping on a beer. Timothy McGee came over a few minutes later with highball glass in his hand, joining him, sitting across from him. McGee could tell it wasn't his co-workers first drink. He wasn't surprised the last few months had been stressful for everyone. He also knew there was something that he hadn't told him about.

"McGeek, what have you got against beer?" DiNozzo sighed.

"I like this better," he replied with a shrug. "So what's up with you and Zoe?"

"Nothing's up, I told you she's working late and I invited you for a drink because Delilah is out of town."

"Why didn't you invite Bishop since you two have become so close of late?"

"What's your problem today?"

"Bishop told me you and Zoe hit a rough patch, and you're still telling me everything's fine. What gives Tony? I've known you longer, and you don't trust me? Why didn't you come talk to me?"

"Because, McGoo, you don't have a uterus," he sighed. "What's with you being all touchy all of a sudden, anyway?"

"Hey don't turn this around on me. What does that mean? What happened between you two?"

"We- she was pregnant."

"That's huge," McGee told him.

"Was, she was as in past tense, she isn't anymore. After she found out she lost it, her doctor told her that she won't be able carry to full term."

"I'm sorry, Tony. There should be a better word it sounds so contrived."

DiNozzo shrugged. "Thanks. The problem is she thinks I'm happy about it. I'm not Tim. That could have been a person. I hadn't wanted to think about it before, but when she told me, for a moment I was happy. I was nervous, and excited, then she told me it wasn't gonna happen, I was gutted. I don't think anything's hurt so much before. Now we might never get the chance to make it happen."

McGee was surprised to hear his co-worker say that, he'd always avoided kids in the past. "Is that why you started to look into your ancestry?"

"Yeah, it got me thinking. I don't have any siblings. So if we don't have kids then that's it I'm the last DiNozzo. I didn't think I wanted kids; but knowing it's not an option hurts. She doesn't want to listen, not that I know what to tell her. I asked Bish what I could for her; I figured she'd be the most likely to understand."

"I understand. Are things good now?"

"They're better, but Zoe and I have never been so good with talking to each other when it matters. In Philly it was just fun. At first it was the same thing her, but it's more now. We both know things are different now, but we don't really talk much about it. I guess I don't know how and it's easier to just go back to how things were before. I still don't know how to tell her that she's the only person I'd want a baby with. I don't know if she'll believe me."

"You're talking right now."

"That's different," he sighed.

McGee shook his head. "You can talk about it. Maybe you're trying to make excuses so that you can tell people you tried."

DiNozzo took another sip of his beer. "I want her to be a part of my future. Maybe that's why I'm so scared. If she can't have little DiNozzos I don't want anyone to make them with anyone else." He stared down at his beer before taking something from his pocket. "Senior gave me this when he was here last. It was my mom's." Inside the box was an elegant white gold ring with a sapphire with diamonds around it.

"You obviously know what you want. Make it happen."

"What if she doesn't?"

"At least then you'll know. You need to do it."

He ran his hand through his hair, and took another sip of his drink. "I can't lose her again."

"I think the only way you will is if you don't talk to her."

"Thanks Tim."

McGee nodded. "How about I give you a ride home?"

The two of them left the bar after paying their tab. Although they both knew he could have made it home he jumped at the offer, exhausted after too many long nights with his own thoughts. DiNozzo was quiet on the ride home. McGee didn't push him any further. He hadn't thought that the night would end like that; he knew that the first thing he was going to do when he got home was make a call to his own girlfriend. He pulled up to DiNozzo's building and he got out of the car thanking his friend. McGee just nodded and watched him enter the building.

DiNozzo was glad to be home, and also glad he hadn't had that much to drink. He probably would have been fine to drive himself home, but they didn't need any more stress. He went into the bedroom they shared and stripped down to his boxers. Zoe was laying down, curled up hugging his pillow. He got into the bed slowly but didn't lay down right away. He sat with back against the backboard as if he might read or watch TV in the dark.

"Zoe?" DiNozzo asked.

"I'm awake," she assured him, sitting up in the bed.

"I thought you were working late."

"I was supposed to but, my head wasn't in it so I came home. I forgot you were going for drinks."

"I only had a few, you could have called."

She moved to curl up with him as they sat in the dark. "I know. A part of me wanted to be alone, but this is good too. I didn't think it would set me off at work. It was a long day and then someone started talking about their kids and I needed to go."

"We need to talk about it," he sighed, going to flip on the light.

"Why?" she asked, feeling tears forming. "It's not going to change anything."

"You're right, we can't change what happened but we can move forward from this. Just because I said I didn't think I wanted kids doesn't mean-"

"Stop, Tony, please," she whispered, starting to move away from him.

He held her wrist gently to keep her from leaving the bed and the room, maybe even the apartment. "Zoe I didn't know I could miss something I didn't know existed this much."

"Do you mean it?" she asked him curling up to him again, fighting to keep her emotions in check.

"Of course I do." He kissed her forehead softly. "As much as it would have changed everything I keep thinking about what could have been. Now the doctors are saying it can't happen. That hurts."

"I didn't think I wanted that either, but when I saw the test I was happy. I didn't tell you because- I was so scared you'd say you didn't want it. Maybe if I told you…" her voice trailed off.

"That didn't cause what happened, you can't think that way. What happened was just shitty bad luck. I don't know how I would have reacted but I want to think I would have been excited, then gone to talk to Palmer."

"I know you're right," she sighed. "It doesn't make it any easier. Are you sure you would have wanted that?"

"I am, yes. I would have been happy after I got past my nerves. If I wasn't then I wouldn't feel like shit right now because it didn't happen. I know that for sure I hate that we can't make it happen."

"You're right, I believe you, Spider." She kissed his cheek softly. "Why is this so hard?"

"Because it's real," he told her, running fingers through her hair. "Neither of us has ever done well when things have gotten serious before. We're both learning."

"I know, but this has been working pretty well so far." She leaned in and kissed him softly.

"Wait, I know," he whispered before things got too far.

"Spider, please" she sighed moving her lips across his jaw line.

"As good as that is," he groaned. "I just want to pause for a minute."

She curled up to him again. "I'm tired of not talking and of talking."

"I need to this, before I don't." He moved to face her. "I know this isn't very creative, but – I need to know- Do you want to marry me?"

"Tony," she gasped, then started to laugh until she saw the ring he had taken from his pocket. She stared at the ring, wanting it on her finger.

"I'm serious, Zoe, I've never been so serious in my life. I know I want you in my life for the rest of it, if that's not what want you need to tell me now."

"I do want that. It's just that," she trailed off not sure what she wanted to say to him.

"We don't have to make it happen tomorrow. I needed to know that you wanted a future with me, because I know I want it. I want to be able to tell everyone how much you mean to me with just one word."

There were tears in her eyes again. "I want that so much, even if it means it's just us. A part of me is always going to wonder about what we lost."

"I know you will and so will I. I'm good no matter what the future brings. Before a few weeks ago I couldn't imagine having a kid and now I can't imagine having one with anyone else."

"I needed to hear that."

She curled up to him again, and he just held her as she let it all out. She began to cry, and soon he found himself crying as well. They both needed to grieve for both the lost child and the lost chance to have one of their own. Neither of them had ever been saw raw with anyone else and somehow that helped. He held her for what felt like hours as they both cried. The tears stopped and soon so did the small sobs, and he wondered if she'd fallen asleep. He knew how little sleep she'd been getting.

He went to move, so he could lay down as well when she brushed his lips gently. He relaxed into the soft embrace then felt her fingers running down his chest. They both knew what she was silently asking for, but he wasn't sure he had the energy. He smiled at but pulled away from her running his fingers along her cheeks. She stared at him, confused but noticeably exhausted.

"As much as I think we should celebrate this news Zoe, I'm kind of better with just curling up with you and knowing we're not going anywhere." Lying down on the bed, yawning.

"I'm good with that," she assured him, she laid her head on his chest. "Where did you get this ring?"

"It was my mom's. Senior gave it to me when I saw him last month."

She smiled. "Wow. I'm sorry about the last few weeks."

"I'm not mad. I'm upset about what happened to you, and I can't imagine how much harder it's been for you. I want to be able to do more but I don't think I can."

"I thought that maybe if I wanted it enough, this time would be different. Just listen if I can get this out."

"Of course, you can tell me anything. Wait, this isn't the first time it's happened?" he asked, shocked.

Even though he was sure that it was the first time it had happened with him he still felt gutted. He never thought that she had had go through this process before. He didn't want to press her for any details even though he was curious. He wanted to help her somehow, knowing she needed to this at her own pace.

"No," she whispered, fighting yet more tears. "After the second time it happened I started being more vigilant about my birth control and using protection. But the last little while felt so good I let my guard down. I should have known it wasn't going to change anything. I wasn't trying, I just wasn't looking to stop it either. I should have told you."

"It's okay, really. So you to have kids then?"

She realised they had never talked about it before. She hadn't talked to anyone she had dated before about the possibility of having kids. She certainly hadn't told anyone else about having miscarried before. She knew things were different. She touched the ring that was now on her finger as if it might give her more strength. Telling him the truth was healing but she knew there would always be a feeling of sadness and loss about what they couldn't have.

"I think I mostly just want the option," she explained. "I mean if I hadn't lost the baby giving it up wasn't going to be in the cards even if it meant being alone. I guess that's why I didn't tell you at first I wanted things to be the same for as long as possible. It hurt like hell to lose you once and I was afraid to go through it again. Sometimes I think I want kids and sometimes after dealing with kids I think why on earth would anyone want that? I just hate being told it's out of my hands. I want to be able to decide when the time is right and do it my way."

"I understand that, I would have supported you both if you hadn't lost the baby. If we decide at some point we want to have kids there are other options available."

"Do you want to do that?"

"I honestly don't know Zoe. Right now I like how things are. I want us to get married when we're ready, and then see what happens after that."

"All right."

He ran his fingers through her hair. "This is the first time I've even thought about it. Before, I always said no. It's different with you, but that doesn't mean I know what's going to be the right thing for us once we've settle down."

"I believe you, Tony," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you."

She moved over and curled up to him. She was exhausted after everything that had happened. She was emotionally drained, but relieved. She knew what he wanted and for the first time felt like they were on the same journey together. They had both needed to move forward and they had. Going forward neither of them could predict what might happen but they had a firm base and they were both ready to take the next step forward; together.

The End

Notes: Well that was what the episode gave me. I want to see more of Keates this season. If this is not your thing then how did you get to the end? Please be kind diversity keeps the world going and reviews are good for the soul. Thank you in advance for any support on this it means so much. hearts -dustytiger


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